ASK THE PASTOR

Question/Comment
Pastor Brown, My son is now 20 years old. He's been in trouble with the law but by the grace of God he was totally cleared (guilt by association). I would like to know would I be doing the right thing by age 21 if I put him out of my home? I have given him notice for the past 2 years - he's lazy, unmotivated, unemployed, he's been fired from 3-4 jobs within a year, and he keeps breaking his one o'clock curfew. He gets applications and won't fill them out or he won't check on them. I feel like I'm having to stay on him as much as I did when he was in school - he hated school. He's ADHD but I have to MAKE him take the medicine. He had a vehicle impounded and he never went back for it - now  it would cost more than the vehicle is worth. Some people have told me  that I can't put him out if he doesn't have anywhere to go. Others are saying that you have raised him right - God fearing; he wants to act grown - let him be grown. So am I being a wicked mom or what?


Pastor Brown's reply:
Let me ask you a question?  Is it wrong for me to put my grown, criminal minded, hanging with the wrong crowd, lazy, unmotivated, unemployed, not looking for a job,  won't take his medicine, can't keep a job, won't obey my house rules, i have to allow to use my car cause he was too sorry to get his when it was impounded, son out of my house?  If it is right for me to put mine out - it is right for you to put yours out. 
be blessed

Question/Comment
How can you change a bad habit that you feel has you under control and know matter how hard you try you can't control this. I have prayed and prayed that I be delivered from this addiction. Every time I think I have the strenth to stop, I always go back. This place has taken almost every thing I have from me, my house, my car, my job and I have often thought about ending my life. But God looked beyond my faults and saw my need.

Now I have a new job, a new place to live, and I know that God will soon bless me with a car. Satan has tricked me in to thinking that the only way to get my blessing is to go back to this place and get back what I have lost. Don't get me wrong I have had enough money to buy whatever my heart desired. I have lied to God and told him if he let's me just win one more time I will never go again. But once I win I go right back and I lose it. Lying lips are abomation to the Lord, but they that deal truly are his delight. Proverb 12:22. I feel I am not trusting God to take care of the situation or make a way, I am using one of the enemy's weapon's to do it with lies. I am using lies, deceit, manipulation and pity. I know I am showing a lack of trust in God's ability to take care of me and all that I'm going through (personally, I would rather trust God and not have it not work out than to stoop to using the devil's tactics and come out on top. I want to stop and let this demon go.)

Please pray for me and give me some advice. Love D

 

PASTOR BROWN'S REPLY:

If you have prayed for deliverance from your addiction then -   GOD HAS DELIVERED YOU.  Now, the problem is that you are not walking in that deliverance.  What you have asked Him for - He has already done in the spiritual - now you have to make it happen in the natural.  You have got to take one day at a time.  Habits are not developed over night and the desire usually will not go away over night.  You have two things at work here.  One, you have a desire (which is ungodly and destructive).  Secondly, you have behavior which is ungodly and destructive.  The only thing you have control over is the behavior.  The Holy Spirit will take control of the desire.  You have got to change your behavior.  You have got to make it up in your mind that I am not going, doing it, touching it, smoking it, drinking it, or whatever "it" might be.  You have got to love God more than you love your habit.  The problem is - God loves you and according to you - has been good to you and keeps on blessing you.  (what a mighty God we serve)  the question is - do you love God and do you love you?  Sounds to me that you love your habit more than you love God (if you love me keep my commandments)  and you certainly love your habit more than you love yourself (according to you - you have lost most everything you had as a result of habit) You seem to know the word and you seem to have a level of respect for God and His word.  But, my concern is - do you love God?  You have got to fall in love with God and His word.  Your love for God will give you the desire to do His will and His word will give you the way to do His will.  (Ps 119:105  5 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.)  Moreover, you need a radical spiritual awakening.  You have got to learn how to praise and worship Him until your thoughts are on Him and things above and not on your habits.  Additionally,  you need a good Holy Ghost, Bible teaching, praising God, word church.  A good counselor would help also.
be blessed
tb 

 

Question/Comment
Pastor Brown, My son is talking to a young lady - age 19. She's a very sweet, mannerable, very innocent girl. My son thinks he's a lady's man. He has several lady friends that he meets with regularly. He recently gave his girlfriend a promise ring. My question is this - Should I warn this girl?

REPLY FROM PASTOR BROWN:
NO NO NO - You should not tell his girlfriend. If you want to get involved, you should talk with your son and try to influence him to do what is right. My question would be - what is in your 19 year old son that would suggest to you that he would not be a player.  Is he spiritual? Would he say to himself that it is spiritually wrong for me to have more than one girlfriend (be dishonest)? Or, is he moral - would he say morally it is wrong for me to have more than one girlfriend? It is obvious that your son has some relationship issues. My question would be - where does your son get his concept of how a man (presumed Christian) should carry himself in a relationship? Who are the male (relationship) role models in his life? I would suggest to you that the leaf has not fallen far from the tree. Please understand that the tree may not necessarily refer to you or your spouse. The tree may be those individuals to whom he looks up. I think it is a bad idea to tell the girl because you will obligate yourself to keep warning girls in his life.  You will have to warn the next one and the next one and the next one.  Deal with the son and you only have to deal with one.  Be careful though not to become too involved in his relationships as to ignore your own. 

be blessed
tb

Dear Pastor Brown, My friend is in a relationship and she's asking me for advise. She and her boyfriend are having troubles in school and he doesn't want to claim her in public, but he'll claim her when she isn't with any of her friends or people. in my opinion, I that is awfully low down. I said to myself "if I were her I Would leave him. Because If you loved that person and had feelings for that person, you would want that person to "shine" with you, not stand alone in the shadows. Myself, as a true friend feels very hurt because my friend is hurt. I told my friend, boys are like buses, you may miss one bus but sooner or later a another will come. Thank you, Rev. Brown

Pastor Brown's response:

Your friend needs to decide what kind of relationship she wants to have with this individual.  I assume by “claim” you mean he will acknowledge that they are a couple in front of certain people.  If she is content being treated like a prostitute (be with her in the dark and don’t know her in the light) she has the right to be a fool.  On the other hand, because she asked for your advice, it is alright to give your honest opinion.

Your friend is hurt because she chooses to be hurt.  Sounds like she has very low self esteem and has been tricked by the enemy into believing that this individual loves her.  If he hurts her,  pretends not to be a couple with her at his will, causing her to do poorly in school, and ruining her self esteem - Sounds like he is in love with what she does for him and to him and not in love with her.

This is what the Bible says about love (1 Corinthians 4) - 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6 It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1Cor.4).

If your friend is young (under 26) don’t be so hard on her.  Most young people do dumb and stupid stuff that turn out to be life learning experiences.  Love her, pray for her, give her advice when she asks for it, and encourage her to seek counseling.  There seems to be something going on with him and  someone he does not want to acknowledge her in front of.  There is a dead cat on the line somewhere.

Question/Comment
Is there a risk of christians making Jesus into an idle? Or, does it matter since Jesus and God are the same? I've noticed that (mostly older) christians pray to Jesus, thank Jesus for blessing them and use God and Jesus interchangably. They've said that Jesus is all they need. They hang the sacred picture of Jesus on the wall and dare anyone to touch it or make ill remarks about it. So, is there a risk of idolizing Jesus the man?


REPLY FROM PASTOR BROWN:

IDOL, IMAGE
A representation or symbol of an object of worship;
(from Nelson's Illustrated Bible Dictionary, Copyright (c)1986, Thomas Nelson Publishers)


With the afore mentioned definition in mind, from the Christian perspective, Only Jesus is worthy of being idolized. When Christians hang pictures of Jesus in their house, they do so simply to let others know in a visible way that they are believers. We do pray to Jesus when we pray informally.  However, in formal prayers we always pray to God as instructed in Matthew 6:9.  Additionally, we do use the names Jesus and God interchangeably. Time does not permit me to get into that Theology. When we (Christians) say that Jesus is all we need. We mean all that Jesus is and all that He represents are available to us.

I sense that you are not a Christian or at least not like the Christians you know from your choices of words. I will agree that falling in love and idolizing pictures and statures are not what Jesus had in mind. He wants us to fall in love with the man and to put His teachings into practice. However, hanging pictures in and of themselves is not wrong. Hanging and idolizing pictures and ignoring His teachings, however, is very wrong.

Question/Comment
Dear pastor, I feel like I’ve disappointed god in so many ways that he could never forgive me. So here’s my story - when I was younger I felt like I was so close to god that no one or anything could tear us apart, until I meet this guy in school and after we dated for about a year we started to have sex and I was doing things my mom and god would never approve of. Things I knew were wrong, while dating him I realize that my relationship with god was changing but soon after that the guy dumped me because I didn’t want to have sex all the time and he said that I wouldn’t let him touch me how he wanted to. Then I decided that before I had sex again it would be something that I wanted to do not something my friends or a guy would want me to do. So I asked god to forgive me and our relationship was back on track, about a year later I met the guy I’m with now we’ve been together for 4 years, when we beginning talking we were more like friends then anything we talked on the phone, went to the movies and cookouts together. We dated for about 2 ½ years before we started to have sex but I knew it was wrong and since then my life have been so different I told god that I would save myself until marriage but I didn’t. Every time I would have sex I would tell him I’m sorry and I wouldn’t do it again but I did, I’ve lied to my parents so much that it doesn’t make sense, I’ve did things I regret and I know I’ve hurt god in so many ways and to put the icing on the cake I’m now pregnant. I pray everyday that god doesn’t punish my child for the things I’ve done. But pastor I know I can’t live without god I wish someone could give me some guidance and tell me what to do to get my relationship back with god I’ve been to church twice this year because I feel like the church family looks down on me and that god is so ashamed of me so please help me I really need it.  

PASTOR'S RESPONSE
Let's see if I can address some or most of your issues. First, it is a lie from the pits of hell that God could not or would not forgive you. Please listen to the spirit of God in 1 John 1:9-10 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Also,  Romans 3:23   For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Just like you got up and dusted yourself off the other times – get up, dust your self off, repent, and come back to God.  The story of the rebellious son in Luke 15 is a wonderful story about God’s forgiveness.  This would be a good time to repent right now.  Pray this prayer – Lord, I am sorry for my sins.  I ask for your forgiveness – in the precious name of Jesus I pray amen.  Don’t’ focus on one sin (sex) because that is not the only one you have.  Allow Him to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.  Now declare yourself forgiven.  Say it out loud.  I am forgiven, According to the word of God,  I am forgiven,  Now the devil is going to try and make you feel condemned and ashamed by reminding you of how many times you have asked for forgiveness and told the Lord you would do it no more and went back to it.  Well, you tell the devil to read Mark chapter 18 21-35. Then remind the devil that the verses do not give you a license to sin, but a license to be forgiven.  Then, you read Proverbs 24:16a For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again.

Secondly, God does not punish us for sins our parents committed.  Therefore, God is not going to punish your child for something you did.  Please understand!  It is not a sin to have a baby.  The sin was committed several months ago when you committed fornication.  If you have asked God for forgiveness then there is nothing for the church to look down upon you about.  Our church does not look down on people who have make mistakes.  We believe if God can forgive you – we can and should forgive you.  Read Romans 8:1 and you will see that there is no reason for you to feel condemned or ashamed.  You have been brought back into right standing with God by repenting and asking His forgiveness.  It is time to celebrate the life that God has given to you.  Yes the child is not a bad thing – the act of fornication was a bad thing but the life is a blessing that demands a lifetime commitment.  If no one will celebrate your blessed child with you, call me and we will celebrate together.  As a matter of fact I know a group of Godly people who will not look down on you but embrace you and your child.  If church folks can't love you and embrace you now – to hell with them.  We will.  You have God mothers and God daddies waiting to let you know that you can fall down and get back up -- and this is not the end…it is the beginning. My cell phone number is xxx-xxxx and my home number is xxx-xxxx and the church number is 826-0454 or if you are more comfortable you can email me at this address (info@mtvernonauburn.com).  Hold your head up and be encouraged.  My wife and I need a new God child anyway.

Message to Pastor Brown:
It just seems like the more that you do for people it is never enough . Especially, for Family members their never satisfied for what you've done for them. You just touch my heart every Sunday ... sometimes I feel like GOD is telling you what to tell me. "Just leave them alone and go on with my life". Please give me something to go on. Thank You

REPLY FROM PASTOR BROWN:
Hang in there and remember not to get tired of doing good because you will benefit from it if you don't stop (Gal. 6:9) .  Also remember that you help not so that they will appreciate you (although it would be nice).  You help people because it is the right thing to do.  Also remember to only do for others what you are able to do and it sounds like "NO" should be added to your vocabulary.  Be blessed and if what you are doing is not working -- do something else...

Question/Comment
Pastor Brown, Is it wrong to bribe your children with gifts/money in order to get them to improve their grades in school?


REPLY FROM PASTOR BROWN:
IT IS NOT CALLED A BRIBE. IT IS CALLED POSITIVE REFORCEMENT AND REWARD.  ONCE, I PAID MY CHILD TO SING IN CHURCH AND I AM TRYING TO BRIBE MY 4 YEAR OLD WITH A NEW BIKE TO SING IN FRONT OF THE CHURCH ON SUNDAY. GO FOR IT ... BUT MAKE THE REWARD OR INCENTIVE REASONABLE ...